if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize