yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
