I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize