Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
