I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
worst night to have a conscience
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
