i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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