I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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