I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
