and you said cock pushups were impossible
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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