Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
