What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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