physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
