Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
