You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
