Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
