Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
