I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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