i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How drunk are you?
Completed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
