My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
