That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
