I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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