a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
