That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
