on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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