So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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