someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
