My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
