you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
