he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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