piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
