just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
