I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
