just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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