We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
