so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
