Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
