at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
