6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
