I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
