Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize