Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
