someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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