i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I love you.
Bad choice
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
