careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
be right there i have to get my cape
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
