i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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