i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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