You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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