Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
