everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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