he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize