Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
