my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
