Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
