im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
