i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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