Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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