Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
