i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
