This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
