good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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