How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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