I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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