Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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