I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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