Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
