when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize