I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
