Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize