she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
3 2 1 whiskey
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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