were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
