My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
