I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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