I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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