You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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