Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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