I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's like heaven, but drunker
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
