Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize