i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
