That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize