My first STD was from a foam party
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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