I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
