I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
