I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize