Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
