Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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