I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
