He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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