wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
