i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
