Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
