i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
