This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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