we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Randomize
