Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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