Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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