i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
