those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
