We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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