I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
