he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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