Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
