Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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