Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
