barbara walters just said penis...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
