They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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