4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
