I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
